18 - The Plan Is Revealed

This was the banner ad at the top of a major news site that will remain nameless. I'm afraid to click on it, yet drawn to its terrible beauty.

The amount of symbolism crammed into this little block is simply amazing.

17 - Ink Saves

Let me tell you a story.

The man pictured above was a fat slob. You can see him in his fat-slob state, a grotesque mass of beer belly and body hair, on the left. For many years, he despaired of his flabby state. He yearned for the glistening, muscle-bound god of the beach within to be set free. Then, one day, when perusing through forgotten lore, he discovered a simple secret to getting ripped: A green dragon tattoo empowered with mystic script that would run up and down his arms.

Excited, he went straightaway to the nearest tattoo parlor and showed the ink artists the arcane pattern that he needed. They agreed, and a few painful hours later (for pain, dear reader, is weakness leaving the body) he sported his new tattoo. Sure enough, the sigil of the green dragon upon his flesh rewrote the truth about his soul written upon the World Page, changing its meaning from "overweight chump" to "svelte mountain of man-muscle". Within only four weeks, he was transformed: He beer belly shrank, he grew tight, enviable pecs and delts, and his body hair fell out as surely as if the most skilled of Brazilian wax artists had worked their magic upon him. He was a changed man, thanks to the simple secret of the magical dragon tattoo. You can see him on the right.

Or maybe the tattooed guy on the right and the flabby guy on the left are different people, and it's just another dishonest banner ad. I like my version better.

16 - Beams of Glory

Here's another gem of a banner ad. Maybe I'm a little behind the times, but I didn't know that lasers were the alternative to chemical teeth whitening. Expensive lasers, no less. Come to think of it, I don't know what the banner ad is selling. Maybe they're hawking cheap lasers, but I don't want to find out.

15 - A Case for Math Education

Here's an article that appeared in my university's student newspaper, and apparently others around the US. It's about how students need to pursue what they really love even if they see little profit from it at first. As admirable as that is, a little math review couldn't have hurt here.

On the other hand, if this is really falling under the aegis of prison reform, the author's program may have more problems than s/he thinks.

Digressions: Identity, Virtual Communities and Truth

Message redacted. Nothing to see here, folks.

14 - Its Six Mouths Sing Lament

This is an older one, but I still like it. Apparently the Internet can be anthropomorphic. But would I want to meet this avatar, this human embodiment of the Internet? What would it be like? Could it be that each of us are, on some way, its aspects? Inquiring minds don't want to know.

13 - Workin' In The Code Factory

Here's another rather interesting BBC article. It's about a teenager who exchanged his iPod for his father's original Walkman for a week and wrote observations about the differences. I was pleased at the quality of the writing; he obviously has some talent beyond his years.

Anyhow, I found this entertaining tidbit in the comments. Yes, the software for the iPod is made in a sweatshop. Underpaid, unedicated laborers in a nation we can't even pronounce (much less locate) toil fourteen hours a day to hammer together the software for your iPod. They stamp it in by hand in hot, dangerous working conditions under the lash of their corporate overlords. That has to be it. It couldn't possibly have been made by a team of professionals working in the jet-set offices of a major IT corporation or anything.

12 - Better Living Through Time Travel

This was dinner for the whole family last week. I just wish we had the power of instant preparation and one of those instant-heating ovens so we could get it in under 30 minutes as advertised.

I can dream, can't I?

11 - Unfortunate Implications

Sometimes, Google Ads are spot-on. Sometimes they seem irrelevant. And sometimes, they're just creepy.

Here's the article the above ad was attached to. I'm not quite sure what set of emotions this particular juxtaposition of imagery and article is meant to evoke, but neither do I want to think about it for very long.

10 - Yes, Wonderful Things

This was the headline image on the Drudge Report.

Successor to a wildly controversial, long-ruling leader with strong religious views? Check. Really, really young for his position? Check. Got a lot of grief over his name? Check.

Here's hoping that he skips the "never accomplished anything of historical note" and "remembered mainly for how cool his funeral was" part of being a Tutankhamun.

9 - Plastic Corrupts

Here's another unfortunate case of tech journalists not doing the research. I could say a number of things about the entire article, but that would be talking about politics and I don't like talking about politics. What drew my attention was this:

"I personally believe these are addictive games, because you have kids playing them for many, many hours a day, and putting their lives on hold basically to play some of these, like World of Warcraft and Warhammer," said Black.

Warhammer is a strategy game played on a tabletop. Players meticulously build and paint entire armies of little model soldiers. They set these up and play battle scenarios against each other based on elaborate rules and dice rolls. I've never played it or had any friends who did; this is just something I knew. And it's not even my job to know it, either.

After finding this, I did a little checking and found out that there was indeed a MMORPG made based on Warhammer. It was released a year after this article, so the possibility remains that the author instead believed that kids were hooked on a game that didn't exist yet.

8 - They're More Afraid Of You Than You Are Of Them

Demons 'harmless', says Vatican

Well, that's quite the policy change.

What do you mean, it's a film review?

7 - No Membership Cards There Either

I found this today.

Now, you may be thinking 'that's not stupid, that's horrible!' and perhaps you're right. The act isn't the Stupid Thing of the Day. The thing that jumped out of the page for me was this:

4Chan is an organised group that describes itself on its website as the "home of the sickest, strangest, and most horrifying stuff on the internet".

4Chan, for anyone who doesn't know yet, is a very large bulletin board where visitors can post images of whatever they like. There are some general categories that cover just about any topic you can think of, including some you probably wouldn't want to think about. Users can comment on pictures, but they don't have to identify themselves (and indeed, most don't). As a result, it's just about the least organized thing imaginable, not a group. Of course, there are plenty of groups based there, and these can be good or bad or very bad, but the whole thing is no more a group than, say, any given large city.

I don't expect news organizations to have knowledge of obscure internet goings-on, but 4Chan's visible enough that I hoped that technology reporters would know what it is. Apparently I was wrong.

6 - Where did I leave that membership card?

I want to know who certifies Christians. And, for that matter, is there a certification board for other religions? Are their stamps different colors? We shall never know.

Delays

I had something really good to post today, but it's a newspaper clipping and my scanner and my computer have decided to express their mutual disbelief in the existence of one another. I'll see what I can post while I resolve this crisis of faith, but I was really intent on posting this specific thing.

5 - Wise choise, bad alternative

Today, I have no pictures. Instead, I give you the description of this Youtube video (which is relaxing to listen to, by the way):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GlsA0G7Dg8g&feature=related

I decided to create this slideshow from clips off of the Internet because I don't have any pictures of myself that describe this song.

Thanks for making the right decision, whoever you are...but the fact that that that was the first option is terrifying.

4 - Under The Sea

Yes, this is a real story. It's remarkable what can be done with prosthetics these days, and there are probably millions of little girls who would do anything for something like this. Still, I have to say that whoever wrote subtitles here was a little bit overzealous.

3 - The Romanovs Never Had It So Good

My university has an ongoing public Green initiative. The idea is to improve the sustainability of the school by raising awareness of waste and inefficiency, as well as more concrete actions like improving the energy efficiency of buildings and setting up recycling drop boxes around campus. One of the services this initiative provides is an energy-saving tip of the week. Here's this week's tip. Apparently I should protect the Earth by ruling with an iron, yet comically inept fist before getting overthrown by the Bolsheviks. I'll get right on that.

I have to wonder just how surprised the author of this tip would be to find out what a Czar actually is.

2 - Call to Arms

Here's another banner ad. I actually think this one is pretty clever in its appeal to its target audience. Still, I suspect that whoever made this didn't think about the message that the unfortunate juxtaposition of giant words sends for everybody else.

1 - All is Vanity

We've all seen the little banner ads that promise bountiful rewards to those who "shoot the target" or "jump the obstacles", all a ploy to get us to click on them. Some are a little more vague. Here's one I found today. Yes, this is the entire ad. No, I don't know what they're selling.

In case we weren't already bombarding women and girls with images of idealized beauty, now you can make this young lady look pretty by moving the lipstick with your mouse. Obviously she needs the help. Obviously.

What this is all about

Given the rather insulting name of this blog, I'm like to take the chance to make a few clarifications - and perhaps, while I'm at it, to introduce myself.

I am a gluttonous consumer of media, both new and old. I read newspapers (several a day, if I can) and follow online news services religiously. I am very much an Internet person, and am addicted to several particularly fringe-y webgames - you'll probably hear more about that later. I am a student in a program that, if uncontroversial, draws its share of disputes and publicity. And from time to time, I hear or read things that are just...strange. Off. Wrong. Some things are just so inexplicably poorly delivered that I take them to heart. I'd been in the habit of calling up family and friends at random and telling them about said things, but instead I think I'll share them here.

This blog is not my venue for venting about ideas or people that I think are stupid. I would like, if possible, to keep such things out of it. Some of the people quoted here may in fact be expressing political or religious beliefs that I agree with (I won't tell you if they do or don't), but they're just doing so very badly. A large amount may come down to mistakes in journalism that are difficult to avoid, such as the fact that different people write articles than write titles. I do not believe there are people who are inherantly stupid, nor that any truly held belief should be met only with ridicule. These do not stop us from saying ridiculous things, which are the point of this blog.

With that out of the day, without further ado, let's get to gaffes. Thanks for reading, and stay tuned.